e1505 express card slot usb adapter?

i have searched until i am cross eyed! i've even gone into best buy and those guys are more clueless than i am. all of my usb ports are not working. i havent a clue why. i remember one day i went to plug in the cable to download pics and the computer didnt  get the little emblem down at the bottom saying it had hard ware plugged in. i tried all ports. looked in system to see if they were working properly and it said yes. then after 3hours of me doing a rain dance, lighting candles and praying to the usb gods, that little window popped up! but... few minutes pass and the window popped up saying that i disconnected/removed hardware(usb cord). i didnt do a dag on thing! so, i decided to go to best buy to see if i could take out the plastic express card slot thingy and put some sort of an adapter that had a usb port on it. well.... they kept selling me these insert things that were too wide and not at all shaped like the plastic blank card i took to them. i have gone on line and typed in every single word correlating to usb adapter express card card bus pci and what ever else and i cant find it! help!!!!!!  i just want the name of this thing i can stick in the slot(not talking about the slots where you put those little camera/phone chips in!) on the right side of computer that when i pushed the button a blank plastic thing popped out. i want to make it into a working usb port. somebody knows the name of this piece and where i can get it. or just get me a name of a good bottle of wine. or two or three...! ugh!!!!!!