So I tried calling technical support today and they had to escalate to a supervisor because they still can't find my service tag in the system and the service tag says that it is lost equipment or something like that. This is probably because someone at Dell messed up after my 5 replacements / exchanges. What do I do now? At this point, it's not beyond me to order a new one and send this defective one back in its place for a refund.
I doubt you can get a refund once you are past 30 days from the original invoice date. They can find your data by searching for the original Order number. All A02 revisions should have working card reader and USB 3.0 ports.