Swollen Battery for Dell XPS 15 9530

My employer purchased this workhorse of a laptop for me in Oct 2014 with the premium support package.  Both the warranty and the premium support package expired in Oct 2015 after 1 whole year (yes, 365 days) of said support. 

Earlier this year I noticed that the touch pad was not working correctly.  By that I mean it took herculean force to "right click."  If I focused my chi just right, I could left click.  I just attached a mouse and used the touchscreen to compensate and "forgot about" the issue. 

Recently I put new thermal paste on the cpu(s) because, you know, performance and "stuff."  It was nigh impossible to get the cover back on and pressing it/screwing it into place did not work...the middle front screw just "popped" off after I'd manhandled ( ...as much as a tech could do any "man-handling" of anything...I mean I had to jujitsu-grip the cover in place whilst courageously and precisely screwing the security screw in it's sticking place )... I was mystified at the cover not sitting correctly (and also by the parenthetical digressions).  I did not dawn on me to consider the battery was swelling like a mini Mount Vesuvius in my lap.  I took the cover off and noticed that the battery was "puffy" and had cracks at the seams like the edges of Sean Comb's identity crisis. 

Many will tell you the incredible dangers of a swollen battery...if your laptop is no longer under warranty, then don't expect help from DELL.  I'm not sure what the lifespan of a lith/ion battery is "supposed" to be anyway.  I would expect, like volcanology, lithiumiondentonology is not a precise science (nor an actual word for that matter).  There are replacements at amazon, I'm going to likely order the part from dell though.  Most Amazon sellers who sell the "non-OEM" versions of this battery seem sketch'ola.  (Complete with obligatory robots posting fake reviews...no, really, look at the reviews for this battery by "Batking" and a few of the other reviewers...it's obviously a robot or the same person...anyone who makes fake review and a fake profile is going to send you a fake product.)

The only "original part" is over 100$, and that's probably the one that's legit. ( C omprare una gatta nel sacco! )   

I can only hope DELL would be so kind as to offer those of us in this situation a place to order the part for shipping costs only and that hopefully, nobody suffers what happened to the Johnsons!

Of course, they could take some notes from their competitors...who set up a recall site for their defective batteries.  I bet that would be newsworthy!  I mean, I'd write about it! 

Here is some advice about how to mitigate the potential explosions...:-)

There are dozens of other posts on this same issue, thankfully, it seems like nobody has had an explosion (yet)!  As for me, I'm going to move away from this proverbial Pompeii.

Here are some pictures of the bulging, cracking, and puffed-up P Diddy time-bomb formerly bolted into a device inches from my face every day!

Living dangerously and hoping DELL will encourage a customer who spent thousands of dollars on their executive laptop...

Regards,

JMC

If a tree falls in an expired warranty forest...will anyone care?