Command Update Not Working - GUI-UVM14

I've been trying to run Dell Command Update on two different laptops the past couple of days, and both of them fail with GUI-UVM14 error codes in the Activity Log.

I've tried v 2.3.1, 2.3.0, and 2.2.0. All of them fail with the same error after the "Scanning system devices" phase.

No antivirus is installed, brand new account on an freshly re-imaged Latitude E7440 laptop, and having the same problem on a two months old E7480. Aggravating!