Dell P703w all in one - begging for some help

I am a complete idiot when it comes to hardware.  There's no other way to say it.  This new "easy" printer is about to drive me over the edge.  I bought this to use for personal use - my main goal is to scan my tons of pics and to put them on to CD's and publish on social networks and share with old friends (a "big" year high school reunion is coming up and they want scanned pics and that's how this all started).  I'm trying to hook it up to a fairly new (less than 6 months) Dell XPS M1530 that is running Vista.

The "instructions" that came with this printer consist of one big poster.  It was not written for fools like myself that need arrows and step by step and pages and pages.  Because of this, I've spent 48+ hours trying to figure out what I'm doing and so far I get nothing. I tried the disk that came with it and I get an error message part of the way through and it keeps going until the end where it tells me that installation failed.  I sent an email to Dell support and they came back with how to fix the printer cartridge (that's not the problem). I sent another email to Dell support and they came back with me doing something with .net framework (am I really supposed to know what that means).  I called Dell support and got disconnected about 3 minutes into the conversation. 

PLEASE HELP ME.  I am not posting this as a joke - I really am completely illiterate here.  I have Wi Fi in my home but I don't mind just using the USB cable to the printer if I can just get the thing to work.  What I believe is the Wi Fi indicator is currently flashing blue.  I have a 128MB card in one of the slots and that makes a small, round clear/light blue light come on to the side of the card.  I have paper and photo paper installed in the printer and there is a round, clear light on on the paper slot.

Where can I get "instructions for dummies" on how to get this to work?  How do I put a picture on the scanner and scan it to my computer and then post to a social network or on to a CD?  If I need some sort of storage device then what do I need and where does it go?  There are multiple slots for what appear to be all types of memory cards.  Where can I get information on what all of the menu options mean??

At one point yesterday I was able to get it to finally scan, but the size was about the size of a business card and I couldn't figure out how to enlarge it.  Somebody said something about changing DPI.  I again remind you that I am a computer idiot so that means nothing to me!!

Thanks in advance.  Feel free to laugh at me...but once you're done please help me if you can.  If you need further info, please ask...but again please remember that I'm just not very computer literate so please speak to me as if you are talking to a very young child.