Windows 10 1709 is breaking our 5570 and 5550's

As the subject indicates, the 1709 upgrade appears to be breaking our E5550's and E5570's. On the 5570's, after the 1709 upgrade completes, the WiFi adapter disappears out of Device Manager. If I hit "Scan for hardware changes", it will start scanning, and then just get stuck there indefinitely. In addition, if I try to reboot, it will just hang and eventually crash to a blue screen. I haven't been willing to wait that long in a while, but I believe it referenced a power related crash code. Finally, the USB ports all stop working.

To try to resolve this on a test device, I installed a fresh image (it's a Windows 10 1607 image with drivers from around June or July, and patched within the last 1-2 months), then manually installed the latest WiFi, chipset, management engine, and NIC drivers. After a reboot, the same exact issue is happening. I also updated one of them to the latest BIOS, and it's still happening.

I'm also experiencing a possibly related issue on the E5550's. The drivers were updated around the same time (June or July), and it's using the same .wim, which again was patched within the last 1-2 months. Basically, the WiFi adapter doesn't disappear, but it can no longer find any wireless networks to connect to. I haven't done any troubleshooting on the 5550's as of yet.

And to be clear, there's very little troubleshooting I can actually do on the E5570's. Basically because trying to run any installers just hangs, re-scanning Device Manager for any updates/new devices hangs, etc etc. Doing almost any sort of troubleshooting steps just results in that process hanging, and then I'll eventually have to reboot. Then after I revert it back to 1607, the laptop starts working again, 100%.

Has anyone seen anything like this? And more importantly, does anyone have any advice on a fix?

Edit: I heard from one of our users that he's seeing similar issues on his E5580, which he updated via Windows Update, NOT SCCM.