Thank you for your reply, but I feel I must explain a bit more about the situation. See, the son is able to use the net at his school and the teachers link him up with the school system. Now the son, when he meets new chatting partners, they create avatars and are supposedly meeting up at places, and the father states that he has to be meeting up with them when he's with his mom. Now the son and the partners he meet go on gaming sites and gamble, and his son has supposedly borrowed money from the avatars and can't pay them, and they end up reporting him and coming after him through the network for the money. The school will in turn contact the father and tell him he must pay the money when the father had no idea any of the issues were happening or that the son obviously has a gambling problem and borrowing money. The father can't be at all places at all times, and as stated the school administration and network administrators only contact him when the damage is done. He feels that he shouldn't have to pay the debts, and the networks has went as far as having the phone cut off. What is this?
Talk to me mombodog..., spit out some ideas, because even if the son is banned from the home computer, he has his mom, and the school. It appears the son has out flanked the pops. So how can the pops get back in control and on top of things.
ArrackiFalconX10
Keep it rollin' up the tube dude!!! My boy needs some strategic HELP!!!!
Its simple, they are called boundaries, if the child is mis-behaving when at his mothers, it is his mothers responsiblity, when at school it is the school systems responsibility, when at home with his Father, well you get the idea, what is happening is everyone is passing their responsibility to the next person, this needs to stop, and it is up to the Father to do this.
If everyone is passing the repsponsibility to the Father, then it is up to him to inform the Mother and the School that they are responsible when the child is in their care, not Him, if the child is getting into trouble on the internet at school, inform the superintendant that this child is no longer permitted on the Internet at school. If they say they cannot do that, then inform them they are then responsible for anything that the child does on the internet at school, the school cannot have it both ways, they might think they can, but the Father has to stand up to them, this is where the backbone comes into play.
I think it is illegal in most countries for minors to "gamble" on the internet, inform the Superintendant of this fact.
Sounds like nobody is taking responsibility for this child, sad indeed.
Either take time out of you life and invest it in the child or lose the chiild to who knows what.
Sounds like Mom, Dad, and the child need counseling in a serious way.
Kinda makes a guy wonder whatever happened to "just say NO" and "dont spare the rod", obviously someone needs to apply some discipline... You gotta pay to play approach would probably go a long ways. :smileymad:
Only a band-aid but I suggest setting up accounts on www.opendns.com for the son's home computer and his mother's home computer. Next visit the son's school, explain to the principal what the son is doing and have him banned from computer science or at the very least closely monitored when on-line.
Now for the tough-love part. The son incurred the gambling debt so the son must repay it. Anything the son has of any value, psp, xbox, games, car, guitar, whatever, pawn or sell the items to raise the money. The pops needs to make it clear that as long as the son rests his head under pop's roof, the son must obey the rules or pay the piper.
No doubt about it, Osprey. The "pops" finds himself fighting a war on multiple fronts. Opendns will help put a cork in those two outlets although the kid will just seek out other outlets. It would appear "pops" has waited a wee bit too long to start "parenting".
Maybe a friendly visit from one of the debt collecting avatars affectionately known as "Benny" might put the kid on right path.
Thank you all for your response. Mombodog referred to boundaries and the settings of responsibility. He further stated that: "the transfer of responsibility needs to stop (I so agree with you on this quote)". You also made reference to informing the schools superintendent of what is going on and what needs to stop. You further stated that: "you view minors gambling in some countrys illegal and that counseling may be needed".
Dawfuu state that: "No..., needs to be enforced, and don't spare the rod and the pay to play theory needs some incorporation".
Dale Nihiser also voted for the principal or superintendent approach, and the monitorization of the matter. D.N., also believes the son must pay the debt. (Glad you recognized all the positions of attack against the father).
To all, thank you again for your prompt response, I'm so lovin' it. We have 2 votes for the conference with Superintendent, but I must also give respect to the schools perspective.
See, the school has pools for each course or class and the student if he/she joins has to put a fee into this pool randomly for material they use and access to the specific material, however, the school also grades the students on their participation. The problem with the school is that it obviously doesn't support an opt out option etc., and the Father did state it could affect the sons grade, but wanted to take him out of the plan anyway.
To me, the school is not considering that all children don't manage resources and material the same and finances aren't the same per household. The Father further stated that the son told him that the instructors really give him a hard time if he doesn't participate in the activities and on-line sessions in which they assign, and allows the other students to bully him. But I must reiterate Mombos entry regarding school responsibility. Why don't they pull the plug when things get out of hand and the enthusiasm of the son is out of control. It appears the school only is concerned witht the fees, and the collections thereof. The mother has cancer and the entire town is aware of this, however, does this give the school the right to take advantage of the Father, or give the son bad grades because the Father wants him not to participate in which they opted the son in anyway against his wishes? I know someone will state, the Father needs to change schools, but remember the schools are on a network as a part of the global virtual on-line instruction and all schools share this participation culture, and even some parents have had to face litigation because the schools have stated that this is required and will state that the parents are not adequately caring for the said child, and how can a parent fight an education system that believes this way even when the student is out of control. Again, they want those fees paid. Maybe D.N., is right, maybe avatar "Benny Black" needs to pay the son a visit, but also the instructors in my opinion. They feel the socialization is required, but when the students become extremist for the internet and the material and products ex-ploited, the kids bring this home, and they don't have to deal with it, but they want them to have access to snacks etc. Talk to me people, we are getting there, but I need you to keep the dialogue coming. Don't shut down on me now.
There are a couple things that come to mind right off-hand... Dale's about the avitar of course is the first ! ! However as much as I would seriously consider it. I suppose that in todays times this would more than likely require a "diplomatic" solution... If it were my son I would know a whole lot more history about this young man than what I see here. :smileysurprised: I believe that todays youth (not just the young man in question) but the vast majority of them do not understand "consequences for your actions". With the judicial system the way it is I still believe that if you persist in doing something "wrong", sooner or later you will have to pay the piper. In this particular instance if some sort of discipline is not enforced the child obviously will not learn from his mistakes..... Bottom line, and some one here said it earlier "tough love is the answer" whether or not the school did or did not do this or that a child is still the responsibility of the parent until he or she is of age. The parent needs to take on the responsibility to discipline this young man. I also think that it was stated earlier "sell his XBOX and what ever else he has to pay the debt". I would also take away any priveleges (using the computer etc;) he has, even if it means losing a grade. He needs to learn "you gotta pay to play" and "if you can't afford the time you can't afford the crime".
For clarification, I meant "the avatar to whom is owed money should visit the son" as tongue-in-cheek humor. Obviously there is a language barrier. I'd take no action that would actually endanger the life of the son.
On the other hand, I meant the son should repay the debt. If that means the confiscation and the sale of the son's personal property then so be it.
Thanks for the response, you are so right and I was on the same page as you, I also get how the visitation pun can be misinterpreted, but I was fully on the same page. I really enjoy chatting with you guys because you are more help than you could possibly realize and your time is greatly and whole heartedly appreciated.
But as stated in the last posting..., however, the Father did opt out. But note the school took it upon themselves to opt the son in anyway against the Fathers wishes regarding the pooling and sharing of material and access thereof, because as he stated to me: "he was sure what is happening would happen".
Networking is important and gaining the knowledge how to navigate a system to retrieve material etc., is a great asset, and learning what facility has the latest vending machines and snacks etc. But should the networking and retrieving material override basic education, because if they don't know anything but how to retrieve data and material and how to direct avatars, what is school contibuting if they can't handle the managing their enthusiasm for the material? I totally get that the son must pay back the borrowed funds, but what about the school putting the debt in the Fathers name throughout the network, cause remember when the Father goes out shopping this information of debt pops up even though his son did it. Also note that the son has to use the school code to get on various sites even when off campus or school grounds, and note it's the Fathers name the school took upon themselves to make liable for the debt and also the various ISP's. Did the school have a right to do this anyway when the Father opted out at orientation? Should the school give options on other methods in grading and networking because this can affect students future prospects when parents want to opt out to skirt such situations?
The Father has to take responsibility for his child, but remember, he was thrown into a situation he clearly opted out of. How does he confront the school when the school is clearly gonna ignore him as they priorly did when he afore opted out of the student pooling? Keep it comin' men/& women, your insight is of great value. Talk to me and give more of your much needed wisdom on this issue. You could be helping to save a family crisis and help them get it together. Again thank you for your time and input, but more is needed.
Thank you for your response. First let me state that I sense that you are disciplined in whatever your belief may be, and that you like structure and you seek meaning and order in specific areas. Thanks for the quote also, however, obfustication is relevant in many circumstances and situations, but futile with someone who thinks the world of you and defend you even when the world is throwing stones at you. In addition, it's nice to meet you member of the Dell Family.
The kids of today are so intelligent it's scary and beautiful at the same time, however, the issue concerning how can one borrow money from a avatar is a norm within the rising culture of networking. In many schools, instructors form groups for students, such as teams mostly with common interest and drives. When the avatar has met another avatar and they may chat alittle, they'll usually meet to strengthen the newly found bond. Because most play games and bet on them, this is when finance comes into play. See, whether digital or manifest, when they game and gamble material some loose alot when gaming, such as race car sites, on fighting, and when one looses they have to give up credits usually money or hard disk, or by another snacks for the week, even having to give up a car etc. The team member will usually help out it's teammate by loaning credits or money etc., to cover the debt and the debtor has to repay, and the spiral usually goes down hill from there. A credit card is not always needed, it's just the fact that the the school was billing the fathers credit card. And remember, participation is mostly required in institutions.
mombodog
2 Intern
•
12.7K Posts
0
March 21st, 2008 21:00
Take his computer away until he grows up, or moves out. Simple as that!
If he is old enough demand he moves out on his own now.
Its really not that hard, you just need some backbone to do it.
ArrackiFalconX1
7 Posts
0
March 21st, 2008 23:00
Thank you for your reply, but I feel I must explain a bit more about the situation. See, the son is able to use the net at his school and the teachers link him up with the school system. Now the son, when he meets new chatting partners, they create avatars and are supposedly meeting up at places, and the father states that he has to be meeting up with them when he's with his mom. Now the son and the partners he meet go on gaming sites and gamble, and his son has supposedly borrowed money from the avatars and can't pay them, and they end up reporting him and coming after him through the network for the money. The school will in turn contact the father and tell him he must pay the money when the father had no idea any of the issues were happening or that the son obviously has a gambling problem and borrowing money. The father can't be at all places at all times, and as stated the school administration and network administrators only contact him when the damage is done. He feels that he shouldn't have to pay the debts, and the networks has went as far as having the phone cut off. What is this?
Talk to me mombodog..., spit out some ideas, because even if the son is banned from the home computer, he has his mom, and the school. It appears the son has out flanked the pops. So how can the pops get back in control and on top of things.
ArrackiFalconX10
Keep it rollin' up the tube dude!!! My boy needs some strategic HELP!!!!
mombodog
2 Intern
•
12.7K Posts
0
March 22nd, 2008 00:00
Its simple, they are called boundaries, if the child is mis-behaving when at his mothers, it is his mothers responsiblity, when at school it is the school systems responsibility, when at home with his Father, well you get the idea, what is happening is everyone is passing their responsibility to the next person, this needs to stop, and it is up to the Father to do this.
If everyone is passing the repsponsibility to the Father, then it is up to him to inform the Mother and the School that they are responsible when the child is in their care, not Him, if the child is getting into trouble on the internet at school, inform the superintendant that this child is no longer permitted on the Internet at school. If they say they cannot do that, then inform them they are then responsible for anything that the child does on the internet at school, the school cannot have it both ways, they might think they can, but the Father has to stand up to them, this is where the backbone comes into play.
I think it is illegal in most countries for minors to "gamble" on the internet, inform the Superintendant of this fact.
Sounds like nobody is taking responsibility for this child, sad indeed.
Either take time out of you life and invest it in the child or lose the chiild to who knows what.
Sounds like Mom, Dad, and the child need counseling in a serious way.
dawfuu
25 Posts
0
March 22nd, 2008 01:00
Dale Nihiser
2 Intern
•
2K Posts
0
March 22nd, 2008 02:00
Only a band-aid but I suggest setting up accounts on www.opendns.com for the son's home computer and his mother's home computer. Next visit the son's school, explain to the principal what the son is doing and have him banned from computer science or at the very least closely monitored when on-line.
Now for the tough-love part. The son incurred the gambling debt so the son must repay it. Anything the son has of any value, psp, xbox, games, car, guitar, whatever, pawn or sell the items to raise the money. The pops needs to make it clear that as long as the son rests his head under pop's roof, the son must obey the rules or pay the piper.
Dale
osprey4
4 Operator
•
34.2K Posts
0
March 22nd, 2008 12:00
Sure is a lot easier, though.
Dale Nihiser
2 Intern
•
2K Posts
0
March 22nd, 2008 21:00
No doubt about it, Osprey. The "pops" finds himself fighting a war on multiple fronts. Opendns will help put a cork in those two outlets although the kid will just seek out other outlets. It would appear "pops" has waited a wee bit too long to start "parenting".
Maybe a friendly visit from one of the debt collecting avatars affectionately known as "Benny" might put the kid on right path.
Dale
ArrackiFalconX1
7 Posts
0
March 23rd, 2008 23:00
Thank you all for your response. Mombodog referred to boundaries and the settings of responsibility. He further stated that: "the transfer of responsibility needs to stop (I so agree with you on this quote)". You also made reference to informing the schools superintendent of what is going on and what needs to stop. You further stated that: "you view minors gambling in some countrys illegal and that counseling may be needed".
Dawfuu state that: "No..., needs to be enforced, and don't spare the rod and the pay to play theory needs some incorporation".
Dale Nihiser also voted for the principal or superintendent approach, and the monitorization of the matter. D.N., also believes the son must pay the debt. (Glad you recognized all the positions of attack against the father).
To all, thank you again for your prompt response, I'm so lovin' it. We have 2 votes for the conference with Superintendent, but I must also give respect to the schools perspective.
See, the school has pools for each course or class and the student if he/she joins has to put a fee into this pool randomly for material they use and access to the specific material, however, the school also grades the students on their participation. The problem with the school is that it obviously doesn't support an opt out option etc., and the Father did state it could affect the sons grade, but wanted to take him out of the plan anyway.
To me, the school is not considering that all children don't manage resources and material the same and finances aren't the same per household. The Father further stated that the son told him that the instructors really give him a hard time if he doesn't participate in the activities and on-line sessions in which they assign, and allows the other students to bully him. But I must reiterate Mombos entry regarding school responsibility. Why don't they pull the plug when things get out of hand and the enthusiasm of the son is out of control. It appears the school only is concerned witht the fees, and the collections thereof. The mother has cancer and the entire town is aware of this, however, does this give the school the right to take advantage of the Father, or give the son bad grades because the Father wants him not to participate in which they opted the son in anyway against his wishes? I know someone will state, the Father needs to change schools, but remember the schools are on a network as a part of the global virtual on-line instruction and all schools share this participation culture, and even some parents have had to face litigation because the schools have stated that this is required and will state that the parents are not adequately caring for the said child, and how can a parent fight an education system that believes this way even when the student is out of control. Again, they want those fees paid. Maybe D.N., is right, maybe avatar "Benny Black" needs to pay the son a visit, but also the instructors in my opinion. They feel the socialization is required, but when the students become extremist for the internet and the material and products ex-ploited, the kids bring this home, and they don't have to deal with it, but they want them to have access to snacks etc. Talk to me people, we are getting there, but I need you to keep the dialogue coming. Don't shut down on me now.
ArrackiFalconX10
dawfuu
25 Posts
0
March 24th, 2008 03:00
There are a couple things that come to mind right off-hand... Dale's about the avitar of course is the first ! ! However as much as I would seriously consider it. I suppose that in todays times this would more than likely require a "diplomatic" solution... If it were my son I would know a whole lot more history about this young man than what I see here. :smileysurprised: I believe that todays youth (not just the young man in question) but the vast majority of them do not understand "consequences for your actions". With the judicial system the way it is I still believe that if you persist in doing something "wrong", sooner or later you will have to pay the piper. In this particular instance if some sort of discipline is not enforced the child obviously will not learn from his mistakes..... Bottom line, and some one here said it earlier "tough love is the answer" whether or not the school did or did not do this or that a child is still the responsibility of the parent until he or she is of age. The parent needs to take on the responsibility to discipline this young man. I also think that it was stated earlier "sell his XBOX and what ever else he has to pay the debt". I would also take away any priveleges (using the computer etc;) he has, even if it means losing a grade. He needs to learn "you gotta pay to play" and "if you can't afford the time you can't afford the crime".
Dean
Dale Nihiser
2 Intern
•
2K Posts
0
March 24th, 2008 03:00
For clarification, I meant "the avatar to whom is owed money should visit the son" as tongue-in-cheek humor. Obviously there is a language barrier. I'd take no action that would actually endanger the life of the son.
On the other hand, I meant the son should repay the debt. If that means the confiscation and the sale of the son's personal property then so be it.
D
ArrackiFalconX1
7 Posts
0
March 24th, 2008 23:00
To Dawfuu and Dale:
Thanks for the response, you are so right and I was on the same page as you, I also get how the visitation pun can be misinterpreted, but I was fully on the same page. I really enjoy chatting with you guys because you are more help than you could possibly realize and your time is greatly and whole heartedly appreciated.
But as stated in the last posting..., however, the Father did opt out. But note the school took it upon themselves to opt the son in anyway against the Fathers wishes regarding the pooling and sharing of material and access thereof, because as he stated to me: "he was sure what is happening would happen".
Networking is important and gaining the knowledge how to navigate a system to retrieve material etc., is a great asset, and learning what facility has the latest vending machines and snacks etc. But should the networking and retrieving material override basic education, because if they don't know anything but how to retrieve data and material and how to direct avatars, what is school contibuting if they can't handle the managing their enthusiasm for the material? I totally get that the son must pay back the borrowed funds, but what about the school putting the debt in the Fathers name throughout the network, cause remember when the Father goes out shopping this information of debt pops up even though his son did it. Also note that the son has to use the school code to get on various sites even when off campus or school grounds, and note it's the Fathers name the school took upon themselves to make liable for the debt and also the various ISP's. Did the school have a right to do this anyway when the Father opted out at orientation? Should the school give options on other methods in grading and networking because this can affect students future prospects when parents want to opt out to skirt such situations?
The Father has to take responsibility for his child, but remember, he was thrown into a situation he clearly opted out of. How does he confront the school when the school is clearly gonna ignore him as they priorly did when he afore opted out of the student pooling? Keep it comin' men/& women, your insight is of great value. Talk to me and give more of your much needed wisdom on this issue. You could be helping to save a family crisis and help them get it together. Again thank you for your time and input, but more is needed.
Sincerely,
ArrackiFalconX10
cwallen19803
306 Posts
0
March 25th, 2008 11:00
how can you borrow money from an avitar? does the kid have a credit card? (take it away)
ArrackiFalconX1
7 Posts
0
March 29th, 2008 01:00
Thank you for your response. First let me state that I sense that you are disciplined in whatever your belief may be, and that you like structure and you seek meaning and order in specific areas. Thanks for the quote also, however, obfustication is relevant in many circumstances and situations, but futile with someone who thinks the world of you and defend you even when the world is throwing stones at you. In addition, it's nice to meet you member of the Dell Family.
The kids of today are so intelligent it's scary and beautiful at the same time, however, the issue concerning how can one borrow money from a avatar is a norm within the rising culture of networking. In many schools, instructors form groups for students, such as teams mostly with common interest and drives. When the avatar has met another avatar and they may chat alittle, they'll usually meet to strengthen the newly found bond. Because most play games and bet on them, this is when finance comes into play. See, whether digital or manifest, when they game and gamble material some loose alot when gaming, such as race car sites, on fighting, and when one looses they have to give up credits usually money or hard disk, or by another snacks for the week, even having to give up a car etc. The team member will usually help out it's teammate by loaning credits or money etc., to cover the debt and the debtor has to repay, and the spiral usually goes down hill from there. A credit card is not always needed, it's just the fact that the the school was billing the fathers credit card. And remember, participation is mostly required in institutions.
ArrackiFalconX10