(Bought Two) G5 SE Crashing, Locking Up - There's no fix, return it

I made the mistake of buying TWO (one for self, one for wife) of Dell's G5 SE 'gaming' laptop, and spent two months trying to fix it.  End of story- Dell won't replace it because I spent too long (few weeks over 30 days) trying to fix it, trusting Dell and their support would have a driver or solution somewhere, if I just kept at it... Should've just called and refunded both, day one.

Issue 1) It's built to run HOT HOT HOT- doing the most basic, low settings, of gaming, it will run at dangerously high levels.  I've bought an external (I'm not kidding- the laptop just locked up for 4 seconds... NOTHING is running) cooler, and it has done really well, but you still can't touch the keyboard while running a graphical program or game.

Issue 2) It LOCKS UP for seconds (plural), randomly.  Like I noted above, I was just typing, not running a program, not watching Youtube, and it locked up for about 4-5 seconds.  It does this commonly a few minutes in to boot-up, and just whenever it feels like it, throughout use.

Issue 3) My laptop (one of two) has experienced seemingly random lock-up/CRASHES (one was full on Blue Screen).  Funny thing- the OS, Dell Support Assist, BIOS diagnostics, NOTHING can tell something has gone wrong (except in the case of the BSOD).  These death-lockups TEND to happen during gaming (Final Fantasy XIV, Minecraft, The Division 2), and I've turned the settings to LOWEST just to test- it still full locked up and rebooted.  Is this a power failure?  Is the CPU tripping over the GPU through failings of "Power Shift Technology"?   It's not that it can't handle the load- the first thing I did was run benchmark tests on all my games- it 'handles' them fine... sometimes all day!  Then, sometimes, it dies 8 times in a day, somehow choking on its own insides, unable to render an empty desktop with stock background...

Here are some anecdotes)

1) Sometimes when switching tabs, programs, windows, etc- you'll hear a 'pop' from the speakers, like it's calibrating to that source's audio, and tuning back down to your volume level?  Often when it 'crashes/locks up', you can hear a faint buzzing from the speakers until it reboots (once it didn't reboot, and instead loudly output the last sound it was playing).  I honestly thought a fan blade got stuck, at first. I don't know if this is power, software, or what- but it's not good.

2) I've carefully watched the temperature (good with cooling pad), GPU 0/1, CPU, etc, and I don't let them max out- but this "Smart Shift" thing seems like a nuisance.  It's constantly shifting the processes back and forth so any second has you maxing out the CPU or GPU 0 or GPU 1, then throws it back to one of the others, in spikes.  Even so- like I said, I can get crashes on lowest settings, while sitting in an empty lobby for an MMO, or a low graphics pre-rendered cutscene (when the temperature and processors are clocked at their least taxed- I checked)... It makes me wonder if the issue is that this laptop DOES RELY ON ITS INTEGRATED GRAPHICS CARD for most things, until it seemingly hits a threshold. and tries to jump to the better components.  Maybe it's failing to start and switch?  Maybe the processor is just garbage, gets backed up, then tries to push everything from the last 5 seconds through and dies?

3) Drivers for all these components are not simple to find.  This version of drivers requires you to go to the manufacturers, then find the offshoot version for this Power Shift laptop.  Somehow, the auto-updates on the computer aren't pointing to these, so you have to manually do it... still didn't fix the issue (not BIOS update, graphics drivers, sound, etc...)

4) I've done the good ol' factory reset.  Full wipe, reinstall OS, programs added slowly, etc.  Out of the gate, same issues- I mean day one, nothing installed.  It seems systemic- something about how this unit handles its piggy-back processors maybe...

5) Went through the steps with Dell for them to inform me I'm not eligible for a refund, replacement, or model change- I spent too (it just locked up again... you can't make this up) much time troubleshooting the issue myself, and have passed the 30 day window by a few weeks.  AHA! THEY GOT ME!  NOW I'M STUCK!  So, I can opt to mail it in for a few weeks (because no one lives/works on their laptops during COVID-19), and HOPE they don't just factory reset it and send it back unfixed so I can perpetuate this dance until their warranty runs out (ever do that before?).

I've read the other posts, tried the other solutions, run my own myriad tests- I've no ideas for a fix.  If anyone has the misfortune of getting one of these- RETURN IT.  It doesn't look like anyone has a solution for this model.  (Of course, if you do, outside of update BIOS, update drivers, factory reset, I'm all ears!)  Maybe my notes can help someone figure this out.

Good luck.